Me Monday Series: Chris BROOOOOOWN!

I seem to have a lot of these weird celebrity stories, don’t I? I promise this is the last one. Unless I meet someone else – so I guess I can’t really promise that after all.

I also want to show that I am not the only one who can’t hang around famous people. There are others like me.

So about seven years ago I was living in the Richmond VA area attending college at Virginia Commonwealth University.

It was fairly well known at the time that because Chris Brown is from Tappahannock, you would often see him around the area shopping at local malls and the like, randomly.

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(Taking it back to a simpler time – before he viciously beat women for funsies. Yep. I said it.)

So to set the scene, it was two days before Christmas, December 23rd. (This was about two months before the whole domestic violence situation happened between Chris & Rihanna.) My roommates and I were at a local mall doing some last minute Christmas shopping.

I was looking at the calendars at one of those large calendar kiosks in the middle of the mall when I look up and see a small woman in really tall heels walk past me. She caught my eye because she was wearing black & neon green fingerless gloves. And who wears something like that, really?

Riri would wear something like that.

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So, I’m not a huge Rihanna fan or anything, really. I like her music, but seeing her in person was more just weird – rather than exciting (a la Kelly Clarkson or Taylor Hanson). It was more just the fish out of water experience. Like, what in the heck is she doing herewearing fingerless gloves, no less.

AND TO GIVE ME SOME CREDIT, I actually tried to be discreet about this sighting. At first. My friend Autumn was looking at the calendars a few rows back from me and I quietly tried to get her attention.

Me: PSST. AUTUMN.

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Autumn: Hang on. I’m looking at stuff.

Me: No, you really need to come here really quick.

Autumn: Okay just a sec…

Me: Autumn. It’s Rihanna. She’s standing right over there. 

Autumn: What?

Me: It’s Rhianna.

Autumn: What? Huh? What you say?

Me: It’s RIHANNA. RIGHTOVERTHERE.

Autumn: I cannot understand what you’re saying, nor do I care to be honest. These calendars are truly riveting.

Me: AUTUMN! IT’S RIHANNA! 

RIHANNA!

RIHANNAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

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*Autumn races over and shoves me out of the way*

Autumn: OMG IS CHRIS BROWN WITH HER?!?!

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Indeed he was.

I actually hadn’t even noticed him, or thought about him being there. Of course he would be there – why would Rihanna be there without him? Duh. They were there with a small entourage of people, shopping around. And here is where I actually start to feel bad about my involvement in this story. It was pretty clear that they were getting away with shopping around mostly unseen around the mall. But once I started screaming to Autumn to try and get her attention – all hell broke loose.

People began to come out of the woodwork and completely surrounded them. They walked into Gamestop and the crowd outside of the store became absolutely ginormous. No one was allowed in the store with them, so everyone just waited outside – screaming and trying to get their attention.

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(My top notch blackberry photo skills)

Both of them completely ignored the crowd. Never waved, smiled, or even acknowledged the crowd of people waiting to see them. Which at the time, I found incredibly annoying and rude. But now? I mean, I kind of get it. They were just trying to be normal for a bit and walk around a mall. Now that time was ruined. People were going to follow them everywhere, and it would have taken forever to take pictures with/say hi/sign stuff for everyone there.

On the same token – Hello. What else can you expect. So. It is what it is, I guess.

In order to get out of Gamestop, Chris Brown & Rihanna’s security had to clear a path through the crowd. They were telling people to get back and clear the way so that the couple and their entourage could come through and leave. Autumn & I had positioned ourselves right at the corner of the entrance to the store. (Our other roommate, Peggy, had long since called us insane and left the crowd, hahaha.) The group started to exit the store and as Chris Brown made his way out – I can only assume that Autumn blacked out, similar to how I did at the Kelly Clarkson concert.

Actually, you know what? I don’t think Autumn blacked out at all. I think she knew EXACTLY what she was doing.

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Anyway, as Chris was making his way out of the store – Autumn reached out and took hold of his arm. As she took hold of his arm (and when I say “took hold”, I mean a death grip), she yelled out,

“CHRIS BROOOOOOOOOWNNNNN!!!!!!”

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(While looking at him like this)

and he just turned around and looked at her with a look of complete disgust, much like this:

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Which then morphed into a look of total rage, much like this:

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(lolololololol, it was HILARIOUS I TELL YOU)

Chris’s security then straight up karate chops Autumn’s hand off of Chris’s arm and yells,

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“DON’T TOUCH HIM!”

And I KID YOU NOT. Autumn just looks at him straight in the face – laughs – and then yells,

“I ALREADY DID! HA!!!!!”

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So at the same time as Autumn is forced to release her vice-like grip on Chris’s arm – I am taking the money shot with my blackberry:

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Boom. Success.

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Then they left. and then we laughed hysterically about the experience for days and daysssss.

I honestly think that if Autumn had paid attention to me and what I was trying to tell her in the first place – that this whole thing never would have happened. I would have just been like, “Oh hey. There’s Rihanna. Cool.” BUT NO, since Autumn ignored me I lost my dang mind.

So, Rihanna, I know you’re out there reading my blog (Obviously). And I’m sorry for calling you out at the mall that one time in 2008. I was rude. My bad.

[End note: Interestingly enough, I happened to see Mr. Brown again about 2 months after the domestic violence incident at another local mall and at that time he was only too happy to say hi and take pictures with fans. No coincidence there. Someone had to do some damage control. Also interestingly enough – this time there was only a small handful of people wanting to see him. #colormesurprised #sike]

How was your Thanksgiving & weekend?!

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